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ASIAN DATING: HAVE WE BECOME SPOILT WITH TOO MANY CHOICES?
By Alpa Saujani
(Managing Director of Tantric Club)
Is too much choice a bad thing? From arranged marriages, where potential partner choices were limited to a handful, to a booming Asian dating industry where potential partner choices can be in there hundreds. Yet, with the former there were less single people around. And the latter, the number of single people in their late twenties upwards has probably never been higher. With accessibility to new people (that we would not have had a hope of meeting 10 years ago) why are so many people still single? So this got me thinking – Have we gone from one extreme to another when it comes to finding a life partner?
More so than ever before, proactive singles have greater access to meet new people. They know what they want and are dating as many people as possible in search of their ‘perfect partner’. Whilst this accessibility is great, it can also promote a false sense of perception, in that we can pick and choose all of the characteristics that must be present in our prospective partner. Often, this leads to many ‘dates’ not getting a fair chance. Let me elaborate – the success of the date is judged purely on physical attraction and, or casual conversation, without any real opportunity for an emotional connection to materialise. Sadly, with these over inflated expectations, it is likely to take one even further away from their goal of meeting & settling down with someone.
Multi-dating – the act of dating a number of people, without committing to anyone. Ok, so it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s certainly gaining momentum and has its merits. You’re not putting all of your eggs into one basket. At some level, you’re protecting yourself from getting emotionally attached, or hurt by one person, whilst figuring out exactly what you want and like in a partner. And should it not work out with one prospect, it doesn’t matter because there’s more fish swimming around in your bowl. On the flip side, you could find yourself in a situation where you are dating three people, each with different qualities that on the surface are important to you. But which one do you commit to? At this level of dating, you’re still skirting around the periphery and don’t really know any one of them well enough. Potentially, you risk choosing the wrong prospect, or even losing them all if you delay your decision.
Then there are individuals who are in committed relationships, with someone who ticks many, or the even the majority, of their boxes. But they are still not content. They delay unlocking the potential in their relationship because of a gnawing feeling inside that may be they could do better? Maybe the perfect person is still out there and just around the corner? Often, such individuals look for ways to validate their feelings by discreetly exploring more options. If their curiosity is not satisfied and the feeling abated, they are likely to walk away from (arguably) a good relationship to re-enter the dating world in search of the perfect partner.
So in essence it seems that on the one hand by having choices it’s a blessing. You have the opportunity to choose a suitable partner and have access to a sea full of potential prospects, compared to the pond of a decade ago. But on the other hand, having too many choices appears to expose our commitment issues. We are fearful of making the wrong choice, so we procrastinate. When we do finally make a choice, doubt creeps in. In the end, many of us walk away, or make no choice. Ironically enough, we then go and start the process again, hoping to be more wiser but potentially repeating the same pattern.
The end result – we’re getting older, still single and still searching – may be in practice having too much choice is not as great as it first appears to be?
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