For some singles, the intention and desire to meet someone is often there. However, the action required to fulfil this aspiration is frequently lacking or superficial. Logically, we know that in life if we want something, then we have to be proactive. So what stops single people from really putting themselves out there?

Work – it’s a fact that many of us spend a vast amount of our lives at work. This is often more so the case when you’re single. With no partner commitments, you start taking on extra responsibilities and before you know it, you’re married to the job. You’re working a 50 hour plus week, with no time, or energy to even think about what you are going to eat for dinner, let alone how you’re going to meet someone. Every now and then, particularly at a family function, you’re reminded of your single status and make a mental note to do something about it. After all, it’s not just your family, but you also desire to meet that special someone. Late at night, you’ll register on websites like Tantric Club, look at the upcoming events with interest and perhaps even plan to attend. But before you know it, you’re caught up in the work trap again and all your good intentions fall by the wayside. When you’re asked how your search is going, you mention that you have signed up to a few dating sites; but the fact is that you’ve really done nothing about it. So have you really put yourself out there? The harsh reality is that if your life is consumed by work and you genuinely want to meet someone, you have to be proactive in re-prioritising your 'work life' balance. Otherwise, before you know it another few years will have passed you by.

The age factor - for some single people, if they have not met that special someone by a certain age, they start to believe that they are past it and give up trying. This then often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But here’s the thing, who said that love is age sensitive? Over the years, the media has covered a number of stories on couples (some even in their 90s!) who have met in retirement homes and married. Ok, I know you do not want to be that old before you meet a partner, so what does that tell you? Is it time to change those limiting beliefs and put yourself back out there?

The past – if you have endured a difficult relationship, putting yourself back out there can be quite daunting. However, if you hold onto your past experiences and believe that all men or women are going to treat you in the same way, or that all relationships are painful, how fair are you being? Can you really pre-judge a potentially new relationship without even trying? As a child when you were learning to walk, you probably fell over several times and sometimes, even got hurt badly along the way. But did this stop you from getting back up and trying again until you could finally walk?

Stigma – there are still some people who feel embarrassed about using dating services. In their mind they believe by going to singles events, or joining a dating agency service they are admitting defeat, or lacking as a person. Having exhausted the more traditional options, they would rather wait and be passive, than proactive. Granted, that’s their prerogative. But I wonder if they were to park their ego aside and take a peak through the door of opportunities, would they change their mind?

Letting nature take its course – let’s be honest here, in an ideal world every ‘single’ person would experience that serendipitous moment. However, with busy careers & lifestyles, the opportunities to meet new people, particularly those who are single, Asian and from a similar cultural background are limited. Whilst you’re putting yourself out there in that you are ready to meet your life partner – effectively you’re just waiting, hoping and perhaps even praying that someone will come along. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it will not happen. But in the meantime, is it really prudent to put all of your eggs into one basket?

These are just some examples of why people struggle to really put themselves out there. Most people have the intention and desire but often other life priorities, challenging experiences and egos get in the way. Or perhaps we let them get in the way to justify our lack of action. I guess at the end of the day, if you don’t try and proactively put yourself out there, you can’t fail. But on the other hand, by not trying, are you not failing anyway?